I'm feeling quite off.

So lately I'm feeling quite uninspired for some reason.
But you usually won't see that since I'm pretty fucking good at hiding my emotions lol.
I don't know why but, I haven't felt like telling anyone about how I feel.
Eh I don't know.
Lately I've been feeling quite empty.
'Cause I'm not really sure what I want anymore.


Dammit...

Onward to the road of recovery

So I've finally got over my past.
I need to move forward and stop hoping that I can relive my past again.
'Cause there's no use in doing so anymore.
So yeah let's take a look at the positives.
There's this girl I'm interested in.
She's cute dawg!
sakdfjalsdjfl;asdf YES.

So I guess my gay neighbors finally got married.
Which is pretty cool.
They blasted "You Spin Me Right Round"
And it totally made me laugh xD
But my sisters were like complaining how it's disgusting that gay people get married.
And they're like trying to tell me that it's wrong and stuff and against God.
It got me so mad.
It's stupid.
'Cause everyone has a right to be with the one they love.
And by the way where does it say that those kind of people can't get married?
And isn't God suppose to love everybody?
Deng they make it sound like it's a bad thing.

Update.

So I've decided today that I'm going to stop being so straightforward.
It's pretty mean. -__-'
But anyways yes.
I am bored...
Lately I've been losing track of time.
And in a few weeks homecoming is coming.
( Wow that sounded funny. )
My dad is sick.
I'm afraid that he might have Prostate Cancer. :|
I'm trying my best to bring up my B's to A's, C's to B's, D's to B's.
I'm eating healthier which is pretty good.
I feel like joining wrestling.
I feel like cutting my hair short.
I am in desperate want of a girlfriend.
I want to move out.
Meet new people and stuff.
I want to drive.
I want a job.
Yes.

I hate what you've become.

I tried sleeping today but, something kept bothering me.
I kept thinking about her which was really odd.
I was thinking about how everything about her was pretty chill.
Then I started to think about our whole relationship.
I know for a fact most of it was practically my fault.
But that's not the point right now.
It's just the way she is now is different.
I know that I don't know her very well
But, when I first met her she was one of the most chillest girls I've ever met.
But, I don't know actually...
I can't put my finger on it.
Something about her just bothers me.
I just don't feel like speaking to her.
I want to be her friend it's just that...
I don't know.
I hate how she brags about getting high nowadays.
The way she looks now just bothers me...
I hate what she's become.
But, I don't want my thoughts to speak out loud.
I just want to keep it to myself.
Maybe I still do have lingering feelings or something?
But, I don't know...
The fact of the matter is; she's not mine anymore.
I guess I'll let her be.

I just miss her...

How funny

tomatoes (11:48:04 PM): its ok, i still love you

ALLEN exe (11:48:09 PM): ilyt<3

tomatoes (11:48:26 PM): no you dont > :( you love the nice SCENERY in SD

ALLEN exe (11:48:32 PM): LOL



its Devon (1:18:11 PM): its a nice day today

its Devon (1:18:17 PM): good day to check out the scenery

ALLEN exe (1:18:17 PM): yeah it is

ALLEN exe (1:18:24 PM): haha xD

Dammit.

So it was the Filam on Saturday.
It was pretty chill.
Rj and I met up with Carlo and David at the fest.
But, Rj had to dip to do some skate sessions.
So it was just me, Carlo, and David.
Gabe showed up a few minutes later after Rj left.
So we all headed down to get some carne asada fries.
We soon were met up by Cacho and Devon.
Then Joe, Alyssa, and Meryl met up with us.
We went down to the Filam Fest to chill and see people.
Then when we went back to get some pizza and we soon got mad dogged from one of those kids that wants to fight me.
Lol.
But we got to Little Ceaser's and met up with Matt.
We ate some pizza and headed back.
Then while we got there we saw these little kids fight and it was seriously badass.
Then I saw this one girl and I was like
"Woah she's really cute."
I haven't seen her around so she must have been from somewhere else.
So yeah I talked to Tony and asked if he knew her
But he didn't.
So while we waited for this band called "The Ave" to play we started to chill until they came on.
Then I saw her again.
I was talked to Carlo and told him that I was gonna try to talk to her.
While I was talking to Devon; Alyssa told me she caught her staring at me.
So I was like
"._.' Maybe I should try to go for her."
There was so many times that she was alone but, I kept hesitating.
I mean when a girl I'm interested in is like right there I tend to get nervous and shy.
So I told Devon to bump into me so I could drop my zune next to her.
So when he did I picked it up next to her and the first thing I said was
"Hey I like your shirt. ._.' "
I mean that was really lame mostly everyone had the same shirt as her!
So I walked away and she kept looking back.
I felt really nervous and as she walked away.
I mean she kept looking back at me.
So Tony and I went to look for her.
It took like a while to get a hold of her.
So when I finally met up with her I was really nervous and Tony had to talk for me.
"Uh Hey my name is Allen ._.' "
"Oh hey! My name is Scenery."
"Uh so I think you're really cute."
"Oh thank you!"
"Well I like your name it's pretty sick"
"So what school do you go to?"
"Poway High."
Then Tony was like
"So do you have any interweb communication?"
Then she asked me
:"Do you want my number?"
Then I was like
"Yeah sure ._."
Then yeah Tony left and while I was talking to her
Lisa Vitug came outta nowhere and and was like
"Oooooh who's this?"
Then Lisa left after wards after getting the picture
Then Scenery had to leave.
After that I went up to my group of friends and we started getting free condoms and started playing around with them.
I went home with a grin on my face.
I waited till nine to call her.
She answered and we started to get to know each other.
We talked for an hour and she called me back to say goodnight.
She said she'd call me the day after.
She never did...
I called her house phone and it turns out that it was her cousins house phone.
I felt kinda depressed in a way.
I mean shes really amazing.
And it sucks.
I hope she does call back some day...